Stories

"Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God--worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.”
Psalm 51:16-17 The Message

My parents like to tell various stories from my childhood ranging from me taking on our cow-yard bull, commanding a run-away tractor, or bungee jumping out of my crib in defiance of ‘nap time.’ In fact, upon hearing such stories, one friend commented that Dr. James Dobson wrote The Strong-Willed Child with me in mind. Overall, I doubt my parents would describe me as a rebel dissident opposing their autocracy, but as a curious child asserting my independence.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder if God shares stories about me. Can you see God sitting around telling a comical story of what Tara did today, some comical way I tried to assert my independence? Maybe it’s as simple as refusing to accept help in gluing a ceramic dish back together, and now my hands are super-glued to a ‘civil-war’ plate, separated into North and South. (Never happened, by the way.)

My asserted independence has resulted in comical stories which I’m sure God, family and friends have enjoyed. Stories which they’ve humorously recounted in love and fraternal pride. However, there are other stories, which aren’t so funny. Stories where my independence is really just foolish stubbornness, egotism, or rigid-ness resulting in hurt and shame.

God has a whole book about His strong-willed children. As funny as stories about talking mules and spitting fish can be, I really don’t think He takes much pleasure in sharing some of His children’s stories… I don’t think God condemns independence, but I think if we really examined our independence…. we’d realize that sometimes it’s just a comfortable way of justifying pride.

It’s way of saying, “God, I’ll do it. I really don’t need you, and I really don’t need anyone else’s help either.” It’s funny how I’ll sometimes say this knowing quite honestly how desperately I am in need of God and others.

There are stories where ‘independence’ has really just resulted in a heart-brokenness, a shattered spirit. In Psalm 51:17, God calls a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart an acceptable sacrifice to Him. He wants us to lay it down to Him as an act of worship. To sometimes candidly express, “God, I don’t know how you’re bigger than this, I just know that you are.” He wants to be the one who picks me up, dusts me off, and puts my pieces back together. The very thing I often try to do.

Furthermore, God wants me to realize that I need others. If I’m truly part of a body of Christ, I need to be inter-dependent with others. In 1 Samuel 15:22, we’re told that God delights when we obey His voice, and that “to obey is better than sacrifice.”

We think that sometimes obedience calls for sacrifice, but when we start to examine it through God’s eyes we realize it’s hardly sacrifice at all. After all, we often go through the small pains for the big gain… whether it’s in our careers, investments, child-bearing, or physical fitness. We start to realize that disobeying God, being defiant, asserting our independence, would result in sacrificing the His very best for us. No wonder our lives can feel so heart-broken at times!

God wants to nurture our dependence on Him and my obedience so that I can realize His unending, unrelenting love and graciousness. So He can mold me into a greater likeness of His character, that He can complete His good work in me. That I live a full life, living out my purpose and destiny in Him.

Ask Yourself: Is there an area of your life where you feel a bit shattered? How can you be more dependent on God? How can you nurture inter-dependence with others?

Lord, Bless me in my relationship with you. Help me to be obedient and faithful, relying on you in trust and faith to accomplish your will in my everyday life.