Latest case in point... I almost killed a guy ... at Caribou Coffee....
What you are about to read is a dramatic account of this true and almost tragic event. Warning- If you have a lack of sensitivity to humor you should stop reading now lest you be emotionally scarred. The names may have been changed to protect the innocent.
(Dreamy flashback mode.)
The day started innocently. Not a murderous thought had entered my head. Even my random thought pattern seemed strangely focused. I able to easily open glass jars of various goods without strain. The March sky was grey as I headed to Caribou Coffee one early afternoon with the sole intention of conquering my latest chapter in Greek. (This is my dramatic attempt at foreshadow.)
Now you probably should know that this particular Caribou Coffee has a shared glass foyer with Bruegger's Bagels, so you can enter in a door and then choose one of two doors to get you to either merchant. However, once inside you can easily walk over to the other since each merchant's are just flows to the others.
I parked my car, and boldly walked forth unaware of the potential peril. I started to approach the outside door of the glass foyer and noticed that there was a man on a ladder (!) on the inside portion repairing the Caribou Coffee door. As I opened the outside door entering the foyer and the man spoke to me, "Can you close the door?"
I, of course, being ever so helpful smilingly replied, "Sure." Then I proceeded to close the door as the gentleman watched me, then he started to emotionally scream out, "NO! NO! NO!" His fingers were in the door hinge at the very top, and were starting to be pinched by my excellent and forceful door closing skill.
Possessed with the spirit of the 3 Stooges, I realized I was doing this poor man harm and quickly opened the door as I proclaimed, "Sorry!" As I opened the door wide, the gentleman began to lose his balance! It seems he had place one foot on the glass door to balance himself using an opposition of force. (Apparently, the ladder isn't good enough to support you, and balancing with a movable object helps.) And he repeatedly, quite hurriedly, and once again with emotional fervor, shouted, "NO! NO! NO!"
Once again, I closed the door, repeating my apologies... Of course, this could have started a whole vicious cycle of sadistic entertainment for all the Caribou Customers, but I closed it slowly and just enough so that his foot was able to touch it and regain balance. Therefore, the man did not plummet from the ladder, cracking his head on the tables, chairs, and tile having his brain spill like a grand triple espresso, skinny, white chocolate cappuccino.
I stopped everything. Feeling a little frustrated b/c my efforts to help weren't, I looked at him, and said, "What did you say?' brilliant, I know.
He replied, surprisingly, quite calmly, (Apparently, he faces death everyday, and this was the least it had thrown at him.) "Could you use the other door, please?"
"Certainly," I answered, and proceeded to do so. Apparently, I had misheard his mumbling. This also prompted me to think, "Why did he say anything to me at all?!" I could see that the inside of the door was entirely blocked by the ladder, so logically, the path of least resistance would suggest I utilize the other door! He obviously thought I needed some additional instruction not realizing He was dealing with a master menace of the highest ninja menace order.
I noticed afterwards, he didn't speak to anyone else offering them the same suggestion to utilize the other door. I'm glad I was able to serve him in learning a valuable lesson. I ordered my drink from room-mate, who conveniently works there should we have needed to cover up the evidence of any, ah, mishaps. She mentioned that the guy hadn't been doing a very good nor professional job that day, so I also exercise the excuse that "I was God's Righteous Hand of Judgment." Which is always a great blanket excuse, although.
And that, my friends, is how I almost killed a guy on a ladder at Caribou Coffee. It is a sunny March Day, late morning, and I am off to study Greek at Dunn Brothers Coffee. =0)
The Three Stooges Official Website: http://www.threestooges.com/Mine and the Three Stooges New Year Resolutions:
http://www.threestooges.com/news/Resolve/
(Except Quit Smoking, since I already don't smoke.)
