It is amazing how much communication occurs verbally and non-verbally, as well as occurrences of cultural styles. Good communication aids in resolving, avoiding, and navigating conflict. Yet, communication is difficult at times, because the existing tendency is to focus on speaking. Communication style, specifically speaking or writing, sketches a portrait of the speaker/author, enabling persuasion and thought articulation. Little focus exists on listening or asking questions as a part of communication.
I forget at times to be present in a conversation, to devote my attention to the other person, because of my preoccupation or formulating what I might say next. However, recent years, I have practiced active listening skills and asking questions. It has never come natural for me to ask an abundance of questions, but I find value in both processes. Each are an incomplete learning process.
My own and other people’s communication flaws are placed on to God. Is he really listening to me? Is God just simply avoiding answering me because he does not know? Or does He overwhelm me with an abundant of answers telling me exactly what is wrong with my life and what I need to do to fix it versus simply listening? Is what I have to say less valuable, because I am less valuable? Is my style of communication perceived one way, because of my background: social, ethnic, culture and gender?
I do not believe these things at a foundational level, but I am surprised that these ideas occasionally creep in. I wonder if at times when God feels silent, if He is really just listening intently. Things seem vague at times. Where questions lack welcome in church or other settings, God is just waiting for me to ask Him.
I like to think my communication style is fairly straight-forward, and occasionally, expressive. I can be a little brash. I admit there are times where I am still formulating or processing my thoughts as I am speaking. This bothers me mostly when I manage to say something incredibly stupid which unfortunately happens more often then I like.
Other times, I have an abundance of thoughts that I wish to communicate and tend to overload others. I especially welcome clarifying questions here, but find that they rarely occur or sometimes wonder if people heard me. I hate it when I say something and it is not received, until 5 minutes later someone says the same thing and it is received. I wonder is that a difference in the style of communication or the difference in the person saying it. I also have a habit of asking questions rhetorically to raise an issue, invoke thinking, or make a point thinking.
It is valuable to be able to implement or be able to vary the communication style based on the audience. God seems to be very astute in tailoring the communication for impact and to the person, He is specifically addressing.
However, there are instances in pastoral messages where I feel that the interest is not to honestly communicate truth and to allow transformation through that, but in a manipulative, subversive way, it is an attempt to play on my emotions. I do not think God’s communication invokes manipulation. Christians also have their own jargon, and I am challenged to consider how this effects communication with others outside Christian-ese.
My challenge is communicating effectively (both speaking and listening), in grace and truth, in a way that glorifies God and values others. I believe God listens intently and speaks honestly and personally revealing Himself, encouraging or challenging us. However, Jesus’ words were not always received or understood, then and now, and He is a creator of communication. So I think it is safe to say that I will not always be understood nor understand, but communication, like relationships, can continue to be developed as I attempt to love others in our humanity and for transformation in Christ.
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