Marginalized. Diminished. Less. Voiceless. Un-Godlike. Human-less. Love-less. Unvalued. Sinful. Woman. Typically, this is the image the church tries to cast of women. This image is not typically spoken, but most often acted out in subversive attitudes. Likewise, words like ‘egalitarian’ are sometimes used with little weight or action behind definition. Unfortunately, this image and these attitudes are a disservice to God, church, and the world.
Being engendered a female from conception; I have faced gender issues from the moment of birth. Culture has attempted to school me in what is appropriate feminine behavior. Scandalously, I have also been “me” from conception as well. My identity is not centered on my gender, but who I am as God has created me. Gender just happens to be one component. It is not the fullness of me.
Typically in the past, I have been quick to dismiss this issue of gender, because I have held an apathetic view towards it. I would move in the things I wanted to. If you knew me, you would let me. If you did not know me, well, that was just too bad, because it would not stop me. Beyond locating the appropriate restroom (which I have occasionally failed at), I did not consider it a large issue in my life. Before I was a Christian, I believed in an equal lifting of both men and women. Sexist, diminishing jokes about men disturb me as much as they do about women.
However, surprisingly, it is the Church, which has thrust me in to truly considering how I view gender. It is the Church (male and female) that has seriously disappointed and enrages me regarding the way gender is approached. There is an atmosphere of elitism. As a woman, in my expression of frustration, I will be labeled, dismissed, and/or patronized. On rare occasion, I may be understood, or shockingly, accepted. Seminary has forced my frustration to the forefront. Mostly because I have witnessed my brilliant and Christ-like sisters feeling silenced and diminished. It disgusts me.
The gender issue, specifically female leadership, was raised shortly after I became a Christian. Controversy ensued in our church, and a dialogue was initiated, which I thought very helpful. Both men and women I held in respect and admiration landed on either side of this gender issue. (Perhaps some would consider it an issue of interpretation, either way it is still enmeshed in gender.) I was shocked and confused that the church would have such an issue. It did not reflect the image of God I held.
Furthermore, I was beginning my second year as a Platoon Leader in the Army National Guard. I was one of the first female leaders assigned to a combat unit in Wisconsin. My platoon consisted of approximately forty male soldiers of varying ages. My leadership and skills were readily accepted and established a level of respect. Individuals who did not view me in ‘God’s context’ accepted me. Yet, the Church seemingly told me that the image of God I bore was not acceptable, in who I was or to do what God had created me to do— to lead. (Or acceptable only in certain context.)
I prayerfully wrestled and journal-ed on the issue, asking God to make (His) will clear to me, and obediently, I would submit to it. Two contradictory images of God were before me, and my wrestling was engrained here.
1. God created me, gifted me, and then limited me. (He) gave me legs, chained them tight, and then told me to run. (He) was decidedly male, and although, I supposedly was created in (His) image, I was not allowed to participate in it or only selected portions of it. He would call me, send me then slam the door in my face.
My gut response was to rip apart my Bible and keep only the portions that specifically addressed women, because the rest of it was inapplicable to me. God was being defined in male and female terms, and only masculinity was acceptable. When faced with that same God image today, I could easily abandon this faith, because Christianity would be a farce to me. Jesus called us to humble and submit ourselves, love each other, and defend the marginalized, and yet, the church marginalizes, shallowly loves, and only requires a certain group of people to submit.
2. God created me, gifted me, and accepted me. People judge by the outside appearance, but God judges the heart. (He) was more concerned with my heart. (He) was not surprised that I was a woman. He created me with purpose and intention. God was neither male nor female. This God most accurately reflected everything I knew about His character and the Bible as a whole.
God has not called us to live in the confines of Genesis 3, so why are we content to? He desires to restore all our relationships (with Him and with each other) to a pre-fall condition. My intent is not to slight others or the lifestyle of who God has created them to be. Nor am I asking for androgyny. Simply my intent is a fuller unity of the Church in accepting equally all its members in God’s image.
Since God has me in this, my current wrestling is what to do? How do I help the marginalized (gender, class, race, etc.)? How do I respond as Jesus would? As I continue to move in what God has called me, I will continue to encounter this issue, and I am challenged to see God’s image in others, accept and love them. My expression of who I am, the gifting, talent, and personality I possess, matched with the equality that I seek is not an attempt to diminish men or women, but a desire for us to see a much fuller image of God and live with each other in view of God’s grace and love.
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